Article / Tucker May

7 BEST (worst) Things About Facebook :)!

We all know how much we love Facebook, rite?? If you, like me, consider FB to be your BFF, here’s are the reasons probably why:

1. You get to see everyone else’s food

Sumtimes when I’m eating, I’m like “Geez, I wonder what everyone else everywhere is eating?”. Then I go on Facebook and I’m like, “Oh, that.”

2. Everyone’s Moms is hilarious

Nowadays lots of parents are on FB and while some people don’t like that or think it’s kind of a downer or whatever I really like reading my friends Moms comments on their pictures from dances and school plays it’s like getting to laugh at someone falling down the stairs without feeling guilty

3. Farmville invitations are the reason I breathe

Lots of times I’ll play for months, then remove the game from my FB just so I’ll start getting invitations again. FARMVILLE4LYYFYFFFFEEE!

4. I love when people tag me in pictures I’m not actually in

What’s that? A cartoon of the ways people of my astrological sign react in different situations?? THANK GOD YOU TAGGED ME. If I missed that I would have burned down the internet.

5. You know what’s baller? Facebook ads.

It’s like, I don’t even have to think about what to like anymore. Facebook just tells me, based on the previous things it decided I like.

6. U c4n prctice ur FB speek

its totes DUH tht FB speeks the way of t future — mor time u sav frum typing, the mor time u hav 4 cat vidz. but u hav 2 prctice it (i 1nce txted my mom in FB speek n she mad me tak a drug test)

7. It means I never have to make human eye contact

With 4G internet everywhere I go and the FB app on my phone, tablet, phablet and Google Glass, FB means I can constantly be immersed in a world of status updates and pics. I love it. It allows me to feel instantly connected to my hundreds of friends, while furiously avoiding real-life contact with any of them.

I HOPE YOU LOVE FACEBOOK AS MUCH AS I DO FOR THESE REASONS AND LOTS AND TONS MORE!!!!:)

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Tucker May (@TuckaMay) is an LA-based comedian and is totally serious.

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