There has always been the concern that Fast Food Restaurants (yeah… we’re gonna call ’em that…) have been directly marketing to children. Their flashy ads and promises of toys draw kids to unhealthy choices and crazy obesity.
But they’re not the only impressionable and vulnerable people out there. Even more unguarded, are the late night party hounds. Those poor rascals are in no shape to make healthy choices, especially when you can count on Jack in the Box to offer you diced chicken nuggets smothered in two kinds of cheese, ranch dressing and bacon.
Sure hunger doesn’t have a curfew, but common sense sure does.
So here I offer other late night choices that are healthier than what they’re being pushed towards.
1. The Fritos Between Your Sofa Cushions. There are always a couple stuck in your sofa, but only a couple. So your portion control is already taken care of.
2. Water from the Toilet Bowl. Cold, but not too cold and surprisingly clean. Because when mom calls and asks if you keep your place clean, the answer is yes. And you’re not going to lie to mom. Right?
3. The Old Fruit in the Bottom of the Fridge. It still has vitamin C, even if its past it’s prime. Like, House Wives of Atlanta past their prime. They may be wrinkled in odd places, but she’s still got some fight them!
4. Your Roommate’s Lunch for Tomorrow. You’re not stealing, you’re doing a service. You are making sure that the roast beef sandwich in there wasn’t just a passing thought. If it’s really good, and you’re roommate’s willing to make another in the morning, you know they’ve got the dedication to really appreciate that sandwich. Roast beef should never be taken for granted.
5. Cat food. Seriously, ANYTHING is healthier than late night drive through after partying. And if Mr. Mittens shiny coat is to be trusted, your hair should shine like the sea by the time you get to the bottom of that Seafood Medley can.
So go out. Live it up. Dream big. And remember, you are what you eat.
Or to paraphrase Mr Mittens, “meow.”