Ashley Huyge

Step Aside Internet Dating

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Susan, I’ve found it.

Some of you may remember Susan Sassi’s social media dating woes from previous articles, and if not, catch up here, but I’ve found the answer.

If you’ve Oked your last Cupid, but still eager to worship at the church of love, let me just say this:

Oh, come all ye faithful. To Home Depot.

Yup. That’s where all the single and stable men in Hollywood are to be found. They’re obviously past their partying days, who else buys an attractive wall sconce without a significant other to tell them it’s a wall sconce, that they need it, and that it’s attractive?

You’ll find everything you’ve wanted in a guy:
1. Handy. I didn’t know that a screw gun and a nail gun do different things. They’re both guns…
2. Budget Smart. They’ve got lists! No impulse buying here.
3. Single. Obviously. Who would let a man pick paint samples by himself?

Still trying to find a catch? Try aisle 8. There he is. Prematurely salt and pepper grayed, buying sink hardware wearing soft earth tones and giving away little smiles that say “I’m a great cook… but cooking for one at the moment.”

No Match.com. No speed dating. No “set up with the neighbor’s nice boy. No. Home Depot.

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5 thoughts on “Step Aside Internet Dating

  1. “Prematurely salt and pepper grayed…”

    Is it that noticeable? Oy vey! Although, Home Depot made tracks out of the city here, and I do my shopping at Lowe’s. I hope that doesn’t say anything country-sleazy about me like, “I may like NASCAR, but you look like a pretty sweet ride too.”

  2. My daughter-in-law found her husband to be in the Trader Want Ads. I think she had about 100 responses to her personals ad placed there. My smart stepson placed first.
    She, too, desired a “handy” man.

  3. I think I’ve found this weekends entertainment.

    I’m going to pack a picnic lunch, charge up my batteries in my camera, and park in the shadiest spot in the Home Depot parking lot and video tape the stream of ladies that are sure to show up dressed to kill. I shall document entrance and departure (noting the times), amount of purchases (could be legit visit after all or simply a case of impulse buying), and if accompanied upon departure (helpful sales associate carrying stuff to car does not count) and if there is any lingering at car doors and simpering behavior (sure sign of successful hook-up)

    I shall have my report on your desk, if this method works, first thing monday morning.
    k-

  4. Brilliant! Would totally beat internet dating. I have to give this a try…..could actually find a bloke who could use a drill better than me 🙂

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