Article / Dan Millstein

Awful Ideas for ’90s Cartoon Crossovers

Way back in 2006, the South Park kids went to visit the Family Guy writer’s room. Now, it’s been announced that those wacky Griffins are going to be heading to Springfield for a crossover episode with the Simpsons. Makes you wonder about what other bullets we’ve dodged in TV cartoon crossovers…

SO LET’S THINK OF SOME FUN EXAMPLES SHALL WE? HOW ABOUT FROM THE ’90S BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES THE ’90S YOU IDIOT

CAPTAIN PLANET and the PLANETEERS meet TRANSFORMERS

Captain PlanetTransformers

In the heat of battle between the Autobots and Decepticons, the Planeteers show up and encourage the Transformers to try transforming into hybrid low-emission vehicles. Both robot factions agree that this idea is moronic and shoot the Planeteers with guns.

INSPECTOR GADGET meets BLUE’S CLUES

Blue's CluesInspector Gadget

Blue and Steve are struggling to figure out what a telephone is when Inspector Gadget busts in and starts solving all the puzzles despite his notoriously low intelligence. He ruins the entire season of Blue’s Clues in four minutes before flying away like an asshole.

MIGHTY DUCKS meet DUCKTALES

Mighty DucksDuckTales

Scrooge McDuck buys the Mighty Ducks, thinking he’s just doing a normal billionaire thing by owning a sports team. He’s surprised to find out the Mighty Ducks have all kinds of bullshit baggage and apparently they’re aliens or something, so he keeps the ladyducks for duck sex slaves and has the rest cooked for lunch.

ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE meets THE MASK: ANIMATED SERIES

Ace VenturaThe Mask

Wacky hijinks ensue when Ace and Stanley Ipkiss accidentally swap bags at the airport. Ace puts on the mysterious Loki Mask, and the two characters’ identical Jim Carrey DNA cause a rift in the space-time continuum which results in the implosion of the universe.

DR. KATZ, PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST meets THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS

Dr. KatzMagic School Bus

While gathering data for a new child psychology book, Dr. Katz stumbles upon a group of immeasurably traumatized children. Their shocking stories of systematic abuse by their teacher, Ms. Frizzle, results in her being sentenced to life in prison.

…in the LITCHFIELD CORRECTIONAL FACILITY! Watch ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK, now streaming on Netflix! Or watch Family Guy, I don’t give a shit.

OITNB

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