Excerpt # 1 – From the realtor who is the biggest Bon Jovi fan in the world
When you see this luxury duplex, you will instantly know what it feels like to be “shot through the heart” … with joy! This duplex is definitely “to blame”. This lovely building was meant for those “living on (much more than) a prayer” in the heart of New York City. The comforting warm cherry oak furniture, exposed brick, and lavish sofa will whisper “I’ll be there for you” to sooth you after a long hard day in the city that never sleeps. Astonishing amounts of sunlight burst through the windows in the morning like a “blaze of glory”. The evenings are so quiet that you will feel as though you are a “runaway” hiding in the country! Yet, believe it or not, you are steps away from New York’s exciting nightlife, so you may also choose to say, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” If you thought you loved your current duplex, this is a must see. It will leave you feeling as though your current duplex “gave love (and housing) a bad name”.
(Note: If you finished reading this ad and you are thinking to yourself “I don’t get it?” Do not even inquire or we’ll put out at hit and you’ll be “wanted, dead or alive.”)
Excerpt # 2 – From the realtor who gets an “A” for effort.
Having difficulty finding the duplex of your dreams? “Don’t stop believing!” we have the most breathtaking Soho duplex that will empower you to tell your ex, “who’s crying now?” The “journey” begins when you step off the elevator into the lower level foyer. Once you walk through the foyer into the Great Room, you can choose to go several “separate ways.” There is an outstanding master bedroom suite with a dressing room and marble bath. You can shower, bathe, or use the Jacuzzi option, “anyway you want it.” With the state of the art security system, you will feel forever safe, “faithfully”. The “journey” continues up the staircase to the upper level, which can also be accessed directly from the elevator…
(Psst! You’re confusing Bon Jovi with the other 80’s Band, Journey)
Excerpt # 3: From the realtor trying to make Bon Jovi angry.
This breathtaking Soho duplex is “the cure” to your house hunting troubles. Even “simple minds” can recognize it is an amazing place. When you enter into the massive great room, you instantly see this duplex has a lot of “heart”. The warm woodwork and spaciousness make this fit for a “prince” or even a “queen.”
(In this listing the realtor references every 80’s band EXCEPT Bon Jovi. I would be very impressed if this was entirely an accident)
FUN FACT: The real listing uses the word “journey” twice. http://www.corcoran.com/nyc/listings/display/2471951
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