Fellow Bannerman, Bannerwomen, and Hodors, with the advent of Season 3 in Game of Thrones, our blood-stained cast is back and more dragon-obsessed than ever. Here are 7 things we learned from the season premiere.
1. Dude, where are my dragons? Oh, there they are. And they’re the size of pygmy horses.
Daenerys’ babies have grown up with the assistance of “dracarys,” which is kind of like an awesome Harry Potter spell. Daenaerys now has some adorable pets, but has to spend 500 gold dragon coins a week at PetSmart.
2. The Walking Dead
Tarly basically found himself surrounded by fro-zombies and manages to catch up with the night’s watch. Episode 2? The night’s watch better find a mall to shack up and stay away from major urban areas. It’s amazing how snowy Atlanta gets!
3. Hey I hear you were a Wildling, ooo-ooo-ooo…
John Snow finally meets the King beyond the Wall – one day maybe they’ll tear the wall down, so all those Wildlings can get some rock and roll music. He also gets some quality face time with a giant, potentially played by Dirk Nowitzki.
4. Scar-borough Fair
Tyrion now has an awesome scar across his face. And after a sobering talk with Dad who basically blamed him for killing Mom, I wouldn’t be surprised if in the coming episodes he’ll be plotting revenge and singing “Be Prepared” at some point.
5. It’s a hard knock life for us!
Margaery Tyrell made a pit stop to a little orphanage down in Flea Bottom and distributed some bread and some cool Hasbro figurines. Joffrey caught a glimpse, and suddenly was like, “huh, maybe maiming hookers ain’t the way to go no more.”
Sansa Stark is now warming up to Little Finger who is promising her a ticket out of King’s Landing. Sansa Stark brings the whole Sgt. Brody story line – has she been brainwashed to the point where she can’t go home? Is she an Al Qaeda sleeper cell? Only time (and Mandy Patinkin) will tell.
7. Harrenhal the way, bro!
Robb Stark has captured Harrenhal! Yay! It’s filled with dead Northerners! Whaaa? Word of advice? Don’t piss off Robb Stark. He has two bs at the end of his first name.
What will happen episode 2? Will Brienne hook up with Jamie? Will Varys gain a libido? Tunic in next week!