Article / RepoComedy / Sketch / Susan Sassi

Protect You and Your Loved Ones From The Serious Threat of SF

The first day of Spring was yesterday March 20th, 2013 and today, March 21st, the CDC, Center for Disease Control and Prevention, has issued a nationwide warning to all Americans urging them to get vaccinated and follow proper precautions against the outbreak of SF.

What is SF?

SF, or more commonly known as Spring Fever, is a dangerous seasonal disease caused by a strain of springdacoctis, a virus that feeds off of vitamin D.  As the amount of sunlight increases, the levels of vitamin D in the body grows in correlation.  As a result, Springdacoctis infects and attack the brain, absorbing the vitamin D, causing irrational feelings of well being and sexual desire.

Warning Signs you have been infected with Springdacoctis:

  • Rolling around in the grass like an idiot
  • Walking around in public with a glazed over forlorn, goofy looking face
  • Running on the beach in slow motion

What are the Risks of Springdacoctis:

  • Infection may result in babies being born
  • Increase risk of sexually transmitted disease
  • Increase risk of chiggers (from rolls in the hey)
  • Once the disease has finished it’s course, it may leave you with an increase in feelings of,  “What the hell was I thinking?!”

What preventative measures can I take to protect myself and my loved ones?

  • Decrease showering and bathing to once every two weeks.
  • Increase garlic intake by 100%
  • Keep the apartment dark and cold to keep the euphoric levels of vitamin D in check
  • Hang pictures of your exes everywhere to keep you in just the right mood of “fuck You asshole!”

Remember Springdacoctis is dangerous but preventable. So enjoy your spring season but be extra careful. If you follow the simple rules outlined in this article, you should remain safe, happy, and healthy.  Happy spring!

9 thoughts on “Protect You and Your Loved Ones From The Serious Threat of SF

  1. Thanks for dropping by my blog. As a newbie,much appreciate the like. Loving your blog too. Sadly, think I might have SF. Hope the vaccine is available in the UK!

    • It happens to the best of us. You will survive. Just stay strong and repeat the steps in the article. You will be back to normal in no time. Your welcome! Thanks for dropping by my blog! I look forward to our WordPress friendship!

  2. This comedy was well crafted. I would like to learn how to pronounce these great words! You made up some excellent words here for your comedy.

    • Tim you are too kind! I find humor is best at helping people take in the serious matter at hand. “Springdacoctus” pronounced “spring •dah•’cock•tis” it’s from a Latin verb used to describe when a man’s penis would move on it’s own accord.

  3. Oh, I am all too aware of the threat of SF unfortunately. Great advice. I’ve also found wearing a light visor in those Vitamin D deficient months helps to keep the spring fever away. Plus, ain’t nobody getting laid wearing one of these suckers, I can assure you. See photo:

  4. wait is spring fever like a reeal disease u can get cuz i hav lik allurgies an stuff

    shuld i stay inside? i don want a sex trasmited disease but my bf n i just do hand stuff

    • Katy I hope I didn’t worry you. Please don’t panic and visit your healthcare professional. I am not a doctor so I can not diagnose or treat this disease. Also you may be interested in today’s post. I have a feeling it is right up your Ally. Please click on the home page and look for today’s make up tip. Best wishes.

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