We all know to get our green on when March 17th rolls around, but here are some other helpful tips to make your Patrick’s sainthood day a memorable one!
1. Go on a Carnival Cruise. St. Paddy’s can get kind of crazy, no doubt. But for those thrill seekers out there who need that extra dose of insanity, toss in a sewage spewing, electricity-less barge of human misery to get your Irish heritage day to that next level.
2. Rob a bank. When someone mentions Ireland or its culture, I immediately think of the noble protagonists from the movie “The Town.” Thrifty, fun, and cop-killing homicidal. So, spending too much on green beer? No worries! Just wear creepy nun masks and rob a bank to get more green paper.
3. Do a jig…on a man. The jig’s up on jigs. Doing them the usual way is so passé. Have a friend with a couple cricks in their neck? Do a grape-stomping jig on their vertebrae and let the good times roll with a good tap of the shoe…a spinal tap that is.
4. Wear rainbow underwear. Self. Ex. Plan. A. Tory. Which will give you a great self-explanaSTORY come tomorrow.
5. Go to a leprosy convention…because that’s the only way you’ll see a Leper-Con. I’ll wait ten minutes for you to finishing guffawing over that sweet ditty.
6. Scream “snakes!” at the top of your lungs. You’ll know which of your friends are truly Irish if they drive them out of the bar or, in my case, prison you’re drinking in.
7. Watch “Michael Collins” and drink every time you cry!