Article / Charlie Homerding

The 7 REAL Reasons: Why Hillary Clinton Resigned as Secretary of State

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The Super Bowl happened… even with the blackout caused by the angry gays. They wanted Beyonce back.

The last episode of 30 Rock also happened… too bad Tina Fey couldn’t convince Alec Baldwin to do another season. He now thinks he really is Jack Donaghy and will be running for the Senate. Rumor says he will launch his campaign with a book entitled, A New Man: My true identity started with Tracy Morgan-induced trauma.

Another major event also happened… Hillary Clinton resigned as Secretary of State.

Thanks to the expert journalistic know-how of the RepoComedy Staff, we have a special treat for our readers.

The 7 REAL Reasons: Why Hillary Clinton Resigned as Secretary of State

7. She coerced Beyonce to lip sync at Obama’s Inauguration.

6. She wants to vacation in North Korea. Can’t do that as a diplomat unless you get kidnapped.

5. Joe Biden kept showing her card tricks. No, Joe, she won’t pick any card.

4. She has a supporting role in Taken 3 as Monica Lewinski’s kidnapper.

3. She’s replacing BOTH Mariah and Nikki on American Idol.

2. She’s starring in a new reality series that focuses on a feminist, bipartisan solution to gun control and terrorism: Hillary and Sarah Take On the Middle East.

1. Secretary is a woman’s job. She wants to be the fuckin President, Godammit!!

That’s some good research! I’m sure it’ll shock the lame-stream media, and Hillary will finally get those gotcha questions she’s been avoiding. I don’t know how she’ll explain to this country that she’s replacing two of the most beloved American Idol judges.

Maybe she can take some advice from Ray Lewis. America hasn’t voted him off yet. I want to see him sing his sendoff song!! How about Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal?”

3 thoughts on “The 7 REAL Reasons: Why Hillary Clinton Resigned as Secretary of State

  1. Taken 3 – Liam Neeson falls for Lewinsky, only to have her kidnapped by Hillary for Bill’s genetic testing to create a race of SFFs (Super-Fellatio Females), because Hillary is sick of dealing with Bill’s now-old-and-wrinkled dongle. The whole thing ends in a Mexican standoff between Neeson, Hillary, and Bill’s penis. I think we all know who wins.

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