Article / Molly Reynolds

LinkedIn and The Academy Awards: Reviews of the Wrong Oscar Favorites

[Disclaimer:  The following is a review of some of this year’s Academy Award favorites.  Granted, I didn’t actually see most of these films, but I did overhear some coworkers talking about them.  I also am really good at inference and can tell you what a movie is like based on its title.  So I’m sort of a pro in my own right.]

LinkedIn photo LinkedIn_zpsce25fa5e.jpg

The favorite of the Academy Awards is slated to be Spielberg’s  LinkedIn.  With 12 nominations it is heads and tails above the competition.  But what’s the big deal?  No one really uses LinkedIn anymore.  Besides, aren’t we tired of social media movies?  I guess the Facebook movie was *okay*.  But LinkedIn?  Really?

Now I’ve heard the arguments, dear reader.  This LinkedIn movie is really about the 16th President of the United States.  Blah, blah, blah. I know for a fact that they didn’t have LinkedIn back then in the 17th century.  In fact, I don’t think they even had the internet.  Could you even imagine a world without the web?  I’d like to see a movie about that!

The other Oscar contenders are just as puzzling to me.

Life of Pie?  I mean how interesting could that be?  First the ingredients are gathered, mixed and then baked.  Then the pie is cooled (critical in baking) and subsequently devoured.  The only way I could see this being interesting is if there was some big car chase scene where the butter is running from the apples.  And boom! The butter’s car swerves to avoid a baby and careens off a cliff.  The apple is disappointed he never could catch the butter but pleased to know it won’t be abusing poor buttermilk in the fridge anymore.

Silver Linings Playbill.  So it’s a movie about the cast list of a one act play in the Pacific Northwest? Even if the movie was about the cast and not the playbill, there’s not much room for the narrative to take flight.  Oooh, it’s a movie about a bunch of actors and the leading lady is having an affair with the director?   How cliché and boring.  What’s further disappointing is the play within the movie, Silver Linings,  is pretty hackneyed and poorly directed.

Breasts of the Southern Wild.  Sold.  Definitely going to see this one.

Cargo.  This movie was a combination of my least favorite film subjects: war and bromance.  So the main character learns he isn’t an island and needs those around him?  Yawn.  The only redeeming factor of this film is what it taught me about military luggage.  There is a section of the film that shows the evolution of carrying apparatuses for soldiers’ personals.  If there’s one thing I care about, it’s bags.

The Miserables.  I was prepared for a testost-aroni, action filled dude movie ala The Untouchables or The Unmentionables.  But I was pleasantly surprised by this spoof about 5 sexy teenagers who are struggling with young adulthood.  In a feat of superhero proportions, each hottie must don a spandex outfit and fight the urge to mope, loiter and cut.  I thought the musical number at the end was a bit forced and unnecessary.  But at least I got to learn about self esteem and the power of having good looking friends.

So all in all I would say this Academy Award Ceremony is a bit of a sleeper.  I personally am going to act like Chris Brown and hit that snooze button because I’m not getting up for these awards.  What’s your opinion on these nominees?  Leave a comment below.

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