Article / Ryan Luong

Where the Kardashians Should ‘Take On’ Next…

Setting is an important dramatic device for any great work of art. Take for example, racially divided 1930s Alabama in To Kill a Mockingbird or post-war 1940s New York in The Catcher in the Rye. Such is the case with “Kourtney and Kim Take Miami”, the fourth Kardashian spinoff and their third rendezvous in the cesspool of the Southeast. While the program premiered last week to impressive ratings, the show is becoming incredibly predicable mainly due to its use of over-raped storylines. “Omg, Scott’s drinking again?” “Omg, DASH Miami still sucks?” Thus, its time for the Kardashians to venture someplace yonder before their main audience of young 20-something women tune out and realize they haven’t fed their bastard child in a couple of months. Here are three possible settings:

Kourtney and Kim Take on Subway

A typical “fish out of water” TV gimmick, the Kardashians could take on the popular sandwich franchise and audiences can watch hilarity ensue. Think about the comedic potential! They would be forced to wear the signature Subway uniform that’s “so not their shade of green.” Or what if they have to wear plastic gloves that are “so not Chanel.” And imagine them actually making sandwiches. “Omg, Kourtney. There are, like, literally so many toppings. I’m like, seriously, over this. This is, like, literally, like the worst day of my life, like seriously.”

Kourtney and Kim Take on Anne Frank’s Attic

The Kardashians go international! Anne Frank’s attic would be a great location for their first ever Dash boutique outside of the US. The cramped space with its dilapidated wood furnishings would give the store that hot boho-chic vibe that’s like so in right now. Also, the location is extremely secretive and any kind of exclusivity is necessary for a trendy boutique. “Like, this isn’t a CVS.” While many would be concerned if the store’s over-obscure location would detract customers, there’s no need to worry. In fact, there’s a German troop knocking on its door right now.

And one more thing, this location could inspire a new Kardashian diet trend. Forget QuickTrim, how about the Steamed Potato and Cabbage Diet?

Kourtney and Kim Take on Their Subconscious 

In what would be the most meta moment in reality TV since the season finale of “The Hills,” the Kardashians would take a step back from their stressful lives of shopping and making money, and really delve deep into their emotions. Why do they like black guys so much? Is it to fill a void for a strong masculine figure left by the passing of their father Robert Kardashian? Or was O.J. Simpson around the house a little too often? These questions and more.

So where should the Kardashians take on next? Nowhere. Even for an unapologetic Kardashian fan like myself, the spinoffs are not nearly as entertaining as the show that started it all, “Keeping Up with The Kardashians.” Their crazy antics are only funny in context to the dismay of patriarch Bruce Jenner. But whatever. Hate ‘em or love ‘em, the Kardashians will be on television for a very long time. So like, seriously, like, get used to it.

3 thoughts on “Where the Kardashians Should ‘Take On’ Next…

  1. What about Keeping DOWN With the Kardashians – a show where we watch Kim and Khloe eat a series of disgusting things and try not to barf

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